God speaks softly to me. Sometimes in the whisper of a butterfly dance–so quickly, so quietly if I’m not listening for Him I miss the sound. He has always been that way with me. I’ve never had big, open visions or an overwhelming arrival of an angel or Jesus showing up in the middle of the night. Occasionally, when I lift my eyes to heaven I think about what it would be like to see a burning bush or wrestle with an angel. But mostly I enjoy the simple, subtle way He speaks to me and appreciate the part of His personality He planted in my DNA. The part that sees and hears gently.
Slamming doors and angry voices echo harshly through my body. I have a physical reaction to decibels. There is pain in my bones at loud concerts. I simply cannot go to places of great noise. My condition is not something to be fixed, it is not part of my brokenness. It is part of my Father’s heart showing up in me. To be the best me I was created to be, I need to learn the language of the sound of butterfly wings.
God bless my high school science teacher who taught us observation skills. He sent us out to stake off a 3’ x 3’ plot of ground somewhere in our world and to watch it. We were assigned to record what we saw and told to describe it. How tall was the grass from week to week? What color was the dirt? What kind of animals came and went? How many types of plants grew in our little corner? For months I sat in my spot and watched the grass grow. I saw changes in the color of the weeds and observed the activities of many kinds of small critters. I noticed subtle changes that intrigued me. Stirred my curiosity about creation and the colorful world around me.
Not until ten years later did someone else speak to me about observation skills. Once again it was a teacher. An art professor at college connected me to a visual encounter with my environment and she taught me how to express that experience in a variety of media. It was glorious.
I learned that observation is intentional focus and it was focus that allowed me to see when God was messing with my physical reality. Focus let me notice the soft songs butterflies make when they move their wings. This awareness I have, this wonder and sensitivity to the lovely in my environment is a part of me that delights God. I can almost hear Him say,
“That’s my girl. See how she listens to the butterfly dance? You know she can see color in the shadows? She has sensitive eyes…just like mine. I’m her father, you know?”
Sometimes I see how out of step I am with the world around me. I feel the roar of a passing jet it’s wings loud and painful yet pulling us along. Running so fast in our daily lives we don’t hear butterflies. We don’t see them dance. But we need to intentionally look for them because the One who loves us best put them there. He choreographed a subtle song for each one of us if we’ll just listen. I know He’s got something special, something uniquely You hidden in plain site so you will discover the thing that expresses Him best to you. Go on an adventure today with Him and find it. He’s waiting for you to discover Him and His love for you.
When you get out of the boat there’s only one thing you can do, keep looking at Jesus. That’s it. No looking at the waves. No noticing how strong the wind is blowing or contemplating the storm. None of that. We all know how that ends.
So now you’re out of the boat having a miraculous faith experience with Jesus. Don’t look down once your brain realizes you’re walking on water. Don’t look down because Jesus really does not want you to sink. You’re on the water because He likes hanging out with you. He likes you having exhilarating times with Him. He likes your faith in Him that drives you close.
Recently Jesus saw my hunger as I sat in the boat. Although He’s been calling me to follow a path into the unknown with Him for some time now, I just couldn’t see where the road would go so I didn’t really listen very well. I worried the idea like a dog with a bone trying to wrap my logical mind around it but that road just didn’t seem to go anywhere. Then one day Jesus reminded me of Jonah and where his disobedience took him. He reminded me of the rich young ruler who could have been one of the disciples but turned away when asked to give what he held dear. He couldn’t see how he could live without the only things he knew how to trust.
Some years ago God encouraged me to follow Him to a new and frightening place by talking to me about Nebuchadnezzar and reminding me that if I was going to seek to build my own kingdom it would not end well. Fear of God propelled me. I followed Him. I walked through my fear and into a time of intimacy and beauty I never dreamed of. That journey included meeting the man I would marry, a trip to Spain and Germany, a spiritual discovery of the power of beauty, and my gift for storytelling.
God is not logical when He asks for our obedience. That’s what makes this a faith walk. Last week I realized He was asking me if I truly wanted to follow Him. If I really wanted to choose Him no matter what it cost me. It’s quite easy to sit in the boat and think about wanting more of God. To claim I want to do the bible stuff–heal the sick, raise the dead, bind up the brokenhearted, deliver people from bondage…but it’s quite difficult to actually get out of the boat.
I think it takes something of Him in our hearts to lift our heads in faith and hunger and say like Peter, “If that’s you, ask me to come.” I wonder if Jesus would have called to him to come if Peter hadn’t essentially jumped up and said, “Pick me, pick me!” As I pondered this with the Lord, I saw something new. I saw how Jesus’ heart leaped because Peter so wanted to be with Him and his heart truly believed in Jesus. Peter saw something in Jesus that drew him beyond logic into longing and action. That’s what faith looks like.
I thought about my own seeking. Do I look for ways to get out of the boat? Do I cry, “If it’s you, ask me to come. Call me, Jesus, I’m ready to throw off everything to follow where I’ve never been before. Where it is impossible to be without you. I’m ready to come closer. Pick me. Pick me. “
Or do I only look for faith that makes my life more comfortable?
Yes, I got out of the boat this week and all prayers are welcome. I believe Lord, help my unbelief. If you’re on this journey also, hit reply and I’ll pray for you, too! I know it will be glorious because He is glorious! I will end this where I started it. When you get out of the boat there’s only one thing you can do, keep looking at Jesus.